January 18 - Time and Touch

“Some people brought children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples scolded the people.

When Jesus noticed this, he was angry and said to his disciples, “Let the children come to me, and do not stop them,

because the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you that whoever does not receive the Kingdom of

God like a child will never enter it.” Then he took the children in his arms, placed his hands  on each of them, and

blessed them” - (Mark 10:13-1-6)

Some years ago I knew a young man who was the youngest of six boys. His birth came at a time when his parents were mourning the death of his grandmother, and their second eldest son. All of this young man's life he wished he had been higher on his parent's priority list. As a child he was somewhat of a handful, if there was mischief to get into, he was there in the middle of it. As a result, his parents who were going through the grieving process, resorted to discipline and toleration, misunderstanding the cause of his behaviour....how he longed for the same time, love, hugs and attention from his parents he saw his brother's getting. When he became 'of age' he was expected 'to be a man' without having been taught how.

Not surprisingly he signed himself into the army, giving a false age, just to get away from home asap. But even there he was a misfit – he just didn't know how to handle, or make, relationships. In time he married a woman who came from a dysfunctional family– the marriage was doomed to disaster, and had three children, two boys and a girl.

They say that history repeats itself and in this case it did. Unable to handle fathership, the youngest boy was disciplined, tolerated, and misunderstood – I can't recall a single time that the boy's father hugged his son or spent one-to-one time together. As a result he grew into an identikit of his father. Both developed a front of conceit and arrogance to cover their feelings of inferiority. The father went from relationship to relationship, while the son became a homeless drop-out, moving from town to town.

How sad that two lives with potential were ruined because the opportunity to make an investment in time in a growing child was not made so that in adulthood he or she might someday be whole and healthy, secure and mature. Granted, in the above cases it was a tough job, relentless and thankless..

Charles R. Swindoll, in The Finishing Touch: Becoming God's Masterpiece (Nashville: Word, 1994), expresses the need for time and touch in the following words:

“There is every temptation to escape from the responsibilities that are yours and yours alone. But nobody is better qualified to shape the thinking, to answer the questions, to assist during the struggles, to calm the fears, to administer the discipline, to know the innermost heart, or to love and affirm the life of your offspring than you.

When it comes to "training up the child in the way he should go," you've got the inside lane, Mom and Dad. No teacher or coach, neighbor or friend, no grandparent or sibling, counselor or minister will have the influence on your kid that you are having. So — take it easy! Remember (as Anne Ortlund puts it) "children are wet cement." They take the shape of your mould. They're learning even when you don't think they're watching. And those little guys and gals are plenty smart. They hear tone as well as terms. They read looks as well as books. They figure out motives, even those you think you can hide. They are not fooled, not in the long haul.

The two most important tools of parenting are time and touch. Believe me, both are essential. If you and I hope to release from our nest fairly capable and relatively stable people who can soar and make it on their own, we'll need to pay the price of saying no to many of our own wants and needs in order to interact with our young...and we'll have to keep breaking down the distance that only naturally forms as our little people grow up.

Time and touch. nothing new, I realize, yet both remain irreducible minimums when it comes to good parenting. Take it easy! Listen to your boy or girl, look them in the eye, put your arms around them, hug them close, tell them how valuable they are. Don't hold back. Take the time to do it. Reach. Touch.

Don't stand alongside your son or daughter like statues, unable to say what you feel, uncomfortable and distant. Take time to feel, to listen, to hold your child close.

When you are tempted to get involved in some energy-draining, time-consuming opportunity that will only increase the distance between you and yours, stop and think of the unspoken message it will convey. Ask yourself hard questions like, "Could my time be better spent at home?" and "Won't there be similar opportunities in the years to come?" Then turn your attention to your boy or girl.”

Today's music is “I Then Shall Live” the Gaither Vocal Band, Ernie Haase and the Signature Sound. Click on the picture to listen.