April 21 -

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21–22 (NIV)

Carrying a grudge and refusal to forgive are one and the same package. It's no good getting rid of one of them while still hanging on to the other. I'm sure that in our lifetime we will have all met one or two people who, for years, hadn't spoken to, or visited, someone who was once a friend, or maybe a relative.

Some years ago I knew a woman – I'll call her Rita. Rita and her mother Nell, had never been close, and as a child they had very much lived separate lives, to the degree that as an adult, Rita confided that she could not recall ever being cuddled by her mother, or told that she was loved. Content with a life of men friends and clubs, Nell hibernated in the daytime and stayed out each night. Christmas celebrations were unheard of, and gifts? a few sweets in a package. The only real gift Rita could remember ever receiving was a doll from one of the “uncles”. Result? Rita married young and soon had a large family of her own.

It wouldn't have been surprising if she had passed down to her own children the treatment she herself had received. or refused to visit her mother ever again, but for years she showed a remarkable better spirit, ensuring that the children, herself, and husband, throughout the year and each Christmas visited with gifts and food parcels. Sadly, the good-will wasn't reciprocated. On each visit Nell's partner took the parcel from them at the door refusing to let them into the house, saying, “You can't come in, you're mother's asleep”.

The last time the children visited alone (yes, they still went back) the eldest was allowed into the house for five minutes, and the rest of the siblings were told to wait outside regardless of rain, or hail. For Rita this was the last straw and a deep resentful grudge took hold and became embedded – she just could not forgive and vowed never to return.

The years passed and Nell's health broke down. She became confused and confined to her bed and home. By then, Nell's partner had alienated everyone. Even Nursing and Social Services experienced a fight for access rights. Despite please from her husband to “Give it one moe try”, Rita remained adamant that she didn't care anymore, they were reaping what they had sown.

But inside she was hurting – she wanted to visit, but couldn't take further rejection. Every comversation with Rita was inevitably focused on Nell, who received the flak for her partner's behaviour Time and again Rita was advised to pray about it, counselling her to put her feelings to one side - to visit Nell before it was too late, become reconciled while they had time to make a few happy memories. Rita was cautioned that if she didn't, after Nell's death, she would regret her decision for the rest of her life.

Out shopping the following week, Rita was passing Nell's house and felt compelled against her will to knock on the door. Nell's partner opened up with his usual greeting , “You can't come in, your mother's asleep”. To Rita's amazement she heard herself say, as she pushed past him, “Then I'll sit with her 'till she wakes up. Like it or not, I'm coming in – she's my mother”. Rita had prayed for strength and it was given to her without measure. After that, visits became more and more frequent as Nell deteriorated, and the partners greeting was the same as always.

Rita had dropped her bags of grudges, resentment, and unforgiveness at the foot of the cross. The load she had carried for so many years had been lifted. Rita and Nell were granted many precious hours together making up for wasted years.

Nell had been dead for two days before the news reached Rita – one of her sons had been informed by an ex-neighbour of Nells. Rita and her husband went immediately to pass on their condolensces, and ask if they could be of assistance in any way, only to hear the cruel response there was no money, as Nell had had none to leave.

Hurtful? Yes, but as Rita says, no-one can take from her the happiness she and Nell found those last weeks and months as the mother/daughter bond was at last made. Hurts were talked through, and memories exchanged. Established grudges and resentments slowly dropped away, with peace and joy taking their place.

To this day Rita marvels at the way her prayers had been answered that shopping day - that Someone took control of her, giving her the grace and strength needed to face up to Nell's partner once and for all, and get into the house.

The crowning memory for Rita however will always remain - the moment her mother held her hand , and told her that she loved her. Praise the Lord!

Music today is “Rivers of Joy” (LIVE) The Gaithers. Click on the picture to listen.